The Eternal Chase

All our lives we are chasing something or someone. From the toy that we were not able to buy to the person we were not able to marry, some wishes are never fulfilled.

I remember when i was young, my mom used to take me to this provision store. i used to see a doll hanging among other toys. I very well knew my mom cannot buy that doll for me, not just because of the price but also because i am well past the age of dolls. i never even asked the owner what was the price of that doll. i never knew that it is okay to hoard things in the house, probably because we never had the concept of hoarding because we were always moving from one house to the other. So, when i became a mother, i got my daughter a doll even before she was ready to play with the dolls. Yes, it was the same kind that i used to see in the stores when i was young.

While growing up, i always wanted to dress up for festivals in proper ethnics that i saw my cousins do. but i have always wore hand-me-downs from cousins. so basically there was no fashion sense. so when i could afford dresses finally, current trends in fashion did not matter. i wore what i always wanted to wear. and interestingly, that became my fashion sense and made me stand tall among the fashion mimics.

Sitting pillion on a bike was like a dream. my father owned a scooter and i did not have a brother who had a bike. And being a plumpy little girl, bikers feared me or i had low confidence or whatever was the case, i was not able to bike-ride all my childhood. Interestingly, my husband drives just a motor bike and since past eight years, i am being driven by him with wind in my hair and satisfaction in my heart.

we did not have an internet connection so i used to go to cyber cafes to write and chat with my friends. it was annoying at times to sit in cyber cafes for hours together with someone keeping a watch. and it was quite claustrophobic. but today, my job requires me to write and write on the computer all day with uninterrupted wifi and no bothering from people around as i am a freelancer.

during school days, i yearned to be friends to some girls and boys whom i looked upon as inspiration. but i did not have that confidence. my cousin used to make me chat with random people whom i liked. she had this amazing confidence. however, all this helped me a lot today. i can talk to whomsoever i want to with no hiccups, i always have conversation starters and now people come and talk to me. not forgetting those friends in school, i am friends with them as well. I have passed on this trait to my kiddo as well who can easily start a conversation with strangers. and by start i mean start and not just answer their 'which standard' questions.

looking back, i had so many wishes while growing up and i had thought i would not be able to fill them ever. but today, i have so much to look forward to. all my questions that troubled me are answered on their own. all my wishes are fulfilled and am quite happy. i do not worry about the future because the past has molded my present so beautifully that i have realized that i should not interrupt the ways of life