that unknown phase

I went there. Although i feared the anonymity of the place, yet it being the last resort, i went there. The place was not much crowded, just a few groups chatting among themselves. They didn't notice that i had come. As i rambled through the crowd, i started searching for familiar faces. I knew that there were none. But i think it's a human tendency to find someone familiar, a creeper, to whom he can relate in this abstract world. Just a few steps away, there were scores of shacks selling everything that the world needs. But only a few found their takers. Because everyone doesn't need everything, everyday.

Soon the whispers transformed into murmurs. The crowd started staring in a particular direction. A lady dressed like a princess, was approaching us. Her divine smile knew no bounds. She glanced here and there and everywhere, every little corner...as if she is blessing us all. She was passing the crowd and within a few moments, she was out of sight. Her appearance made me sure, this was the familiar face i was looking for. My eyes pierced the crowd, but she was nowhere to be found. She made me think. Was she a part of this crowd, or she existed just in my thoughts!! A reality or a fantasy. Even the crowd appeared normal, no whispers, nothing; as if nothing had happened. Where is the lady? Noone answered me. At least, one thing was for sure. She was no less than an angel. If only, i was her.

My feet took me towards the stores. An array of accesories greeted me. Of all, what caught my eye was a multicolor kaftan. The colors, texture and its feel reminded me of something. Something very distant. As if, I fell in a deep well. It was somewhat odd but also familiar at the same time. I felt relaxed. A shrieking cry broke the spell casted on me. A small girl had slipped off the parapet of the terrace but was caught by a man standing below. Probably the wailing lady at the parapet is her mother. She rushed past the terrace and in no time, took the custody of her daughter from that Stranger. This incident had built a strong relation between two unknown persons. An hour ago, both were strangers...But now, they have a connection. The crowd started dispersing. And in no time, got involved in its own work.

I was compelled to buy the kaftan. i wore it then and there, reminiscing my childhood. As i moved towards the bridge, my mind wandered to the girl who slipped off the terrace. Her mother's shreik was an evident enough that she was afraid of losing her baby. Then why the same mother doesn't shreik when she bids farewell to her daughter. Why does she is eagerly waiting to loose her daughter to the big bad world out there. Perhaps, she thinks that just as the man who caught her daughter when she slipped from the terrace, her daughter's husband will save her whenever she falls.

My thoughts took me to the bridge. I stood near the grill, watching the blue waves. Life, to me, seems an endless wait. Need for something or someone occupies our mind. This time, i wanted space. A space to breathe, with no questions occupying my mind space. In the morning, i moved out of the house. Not leaving it forever, but at least leaving it for time being. That time, i dint know the time i would return. So i silently moved out. Noone in my family knew i was here. The daily ordeal at home had brought me to this bridge. I think this was to break the shackles of routine. For this, the bridge is a perfect place. Just like its name, it bridges the gap between my soul and my mind. It answers many a questions which get dumped in the old trunk. i began emptying the trunk. My thoughts were dumped at the end of it. Many a things above them had occupied my mind. They uncovered exposing my true self to me.

This morning was so odd. I had felt so lonely when i was leaving the home. The market which i visit everyday, seemed quite different too. I felt as if everyone was watching me with questions in their eyes. This is the same market that welcomes me everyday. Then why such behaviour today? Is it because, i was on my own today? i felt as if the crowd knew my inhibitions. Or it might be due to my inhibitions that i felt the crowd different. Also that divine lady. She seemed like my other self. However much i deny, but sometimes deep in my heart, i want the crowd to talk about me when i pass. Then that multicolor kaftan which resembled my colorful childhood which i miss. Again that lady resembled my mother who is worried about her daughter.

Why is it that we keep on craving for things? Its like one thing takes us to the other. This reminds me of a poem which i was ask to mug in my childhood. Without understanding its meaning, i jotted it down in my diary..but now when i read it, i know this is the state of every mind these days.
"For a want of nail, the shoe was lost. For want of a shoe the horse was lost. For want of a horse the rider was lost. For want of a rider the battle was lost. For want of a battle the kingdom was lost. And all for the want of a horseshoe nail"
Our wants ensure us that we are doomed, or atleast make us feel that we are. Why is it that. It starts from a tiny one like just needing a means to commute which suddenly trasforms into a Merc or a Limo.

My stream of consciousness took me into a distant land. Only to be tapped by a passer by to move, as i was blocking the way. I hurriedly stood to brush my clothes. With the passer by, even the lonely bridge had a companion. But the bridge knows, this is ephemeral. This is the same with people in our lives, who come and go, leaving an impression on our minds, sometimes good, other times bad, which is judged by the life as and when it unfolds. Cause today's bad might be tomorrow's good or the other way round.

I refolded my stole and smiled at the ocean (after all, till now he knew all my secrets) The waves bowed as if asking me to hug them. I did. I waved them and found myself walking towards home.